He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
