So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
