honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He felt like a one man threesome
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
