Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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