So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
