There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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