he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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