I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
