I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize