well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
