life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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