Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
