It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
