dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
either way he was missing a nipple.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
