How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i now understand why vodka
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
