i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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