i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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