i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
