dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
