butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
