rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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