But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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