my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
