So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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