I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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