i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
