is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
