let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
