At least make sure they are 18
Why
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My vagina just recognized that song.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
