Your face is a jimmy john
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
