the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
