Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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