Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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