I need to stop coming to work sober
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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