My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
