I love black thongs
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
