Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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