so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
