Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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