Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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