I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
