why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
