I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
