One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
