Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada†on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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