I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
