i jhust puked up my retainher.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
