I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize