She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
