She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
