He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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