you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
