Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
