So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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