Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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