If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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