You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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