Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
