I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You pole danced in your parka.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
