idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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