If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
