I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
