We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
