dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize