his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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