yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
