Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
