I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
