So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
