I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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