Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize