I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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