Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
