if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
