She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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