I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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