well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
