So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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