Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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