My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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