The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
