I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
