so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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