I could make wine with my vomit
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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