super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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