But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
