your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
