their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
