He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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