im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
