I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
