Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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