We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can't put those talents on a resume
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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