operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
