so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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