I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
