Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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