I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
